Our Pride Defeats Us All Again
There are times when we have to let go of our pride and take a practiced long look at our shadow.
I grew upwardly in a middle-grade Cosmic family unit. Guilt, shame and the concept of sin was fed to me from twenty-four hours ane. Nosotros were told that nosotros were sinners only because we were born. Information technology was later in life that I learned the the word sin actually means "to miss the mark". We all miss the mark when it comes to being whole and balanced. If we can't admit this, then we volition never become whole and counterbalanced, simply because information technology takes humility to acknowledge nosotros are non in that location yet. If we were, we wouldn't exist here! Nosotros would exist "ascended masters" for want of a better phrase.
There was a Christian program in me that I had to be perfect, free of sin or else I volition burn in hell forever or in the least, pergatory when I die. That is a terrifying matter to banner in a young child. I also came from a legacy of shame with a Father and Female parent who were alcoholics and had affairs while professing to be adept Catholics and upstanding members of the customs nosotros lived in. I learned to hide the shame, the sin, my fears, shadow and all that is not to be mentioned, including the physical beatings and the sexual abuse.
"Pride goeth before the fall". We will all fall at some bespeak in time, over again and again. There is no shame in falling. The shame is in non getting back up if annihilation. Simply sometimes we demand to stay down for the count and acknowledge defeat. Acknowledge that nosotros were incorrect, in ego, fear and illusion, that nosotros accept unresolved issues….
Shame is one of four nightmares on the Medicine Bike. Our Ancestors said that if you have shame, guilt, regret or jealousy, it is because you lot are not living your path and purpose.
Shame can also be ingrained in u.s.a. from nascency. Information technology is an extreme form of embarrassment. With embarrassment nosotros turn red in the face up, people laugh at us and we experience silly. With Shame nosotros feel a deep remorse, similar we did something terribly wrong. People who are sexually abused experience shame, as if information technology was their error. It takes fourth dimension and endeavor to go through the shame to the other side of this nightmare. It takes strength and effort and support to non get stuck in it. We often bury information technology all or push it away without getting at the cadre of it. But then, if we expect at it again and once again, nosotros go deeper and deeper, peeling away the layers until there is nothing left of it.
IF we are besides proud to admit our faults and shortcomings, nosotros can end upward hurting ourselves and others. We become superficial or shallow, not going into the dark recesses of our souls. Nosotros refuse, ignore or hide. We fragment a role of our soul, a part that is wounded, dysfunctional and in need of healing. OR we unconsciously act out our pain in means that hurt…
The past month I spent looking at a part of myself that I am not proud of. It is not fun but if I don't look at myself honestly, at that place is no hope on Earth that I change the behavours or attitudes. And I am determined to change! Because I am not happy with that person within of me who is aroused, hurt, bitter, pitiful, resentful… etc.
I discovered that behind the attitudes and deportment was a deep pain that has been there for lifetimes! It was virtually unbearable to experience it. No wonder nosotros don't want to look inside ourselves. It hurts too much. I take yet to observe the core to this seemingly abysmal pit of sorrow, grief, hurt and acrimony.
I am in the Moon of Breaking Masks this year. It has been a rocky ride to say the least, but virtually fulfilling equally I come to the final month. It is most a relief to be able to look back and be conscious of the illusions that drove my thoughts, words and deportment in relationships, in my daily life. Information technology is freeing to be able to permit go of attitudes that brand me unhappy. It was scary to come across the person I was becoming. We all want to exist "Good People", but nosotros all accept a dark side that needs to be revealed and integrated and brought into balance then we tin go the best that nosotros can be.
I am grateful to the Shaman and Sorcerer, my Teachers who won't let me become abroad (for as well long) with being in illusion. In the end, I know I will be a better person…happier, stronger, more solid and grounded, more integrated and whole!
I am writing this blog because I know that many of u.s.a. have the same trouble with admitting when nosotros are in procedure, that nosotros are imperfect, that nosotros have issues, illusions, unresolve, that we are are imbalanced, unconscious, hurt, angry, wounded, bitter, resentful… all those things that we are told we shouldn't exist, simply we are – at times.
*** The photo is one that I took years ago of an old abased house. I wondered who had lived there and what they had lived. I constitute it odd that they had taken everything but left the curtains on the window, which were now shredded to pieces. It had an odd feeling to it, like something left unfinished. I don't want to get to the stop of my life and discover that I didn't do what I came here to do, or that I have unresovled issues or unfinished wheels. Hence, the focus on process at this point in time.
Source: https://wheelkeeper.wordpress.com/2013/05/11/pride-shame-and-illusion/
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